Først kom emo-Kylo Ren, men siden er det myldret til med mere eller mindre sjove Twitter-parodikonti, der gisner om, hvordan karaktererne fra ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ ville bruge mikroblogging-mediet. Det seneste bedre skud på stammen er @VeryLonelyLuke, der som forbilledet på underholdende vis udforsker karakterernes fiktive følelsesliv og tanker, primært med udgangspunkt i det vi endnu ikke ved om dem.
Hvis du endnu ikke har set ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’, så er det nu, du skal lukke dette vindue og løbe ned til biografen. Seriøst. Nu.
Opslagene tager udgangspunkt i Luke Skywalkers ensomme tilværelse i sit refugium et ensomt sted i galaksen. De fleste handler mest af alt om at han virkelig keder sig helt alene på en ø og hvorfor han er der.
I didn’t fly here. Leia dropped me off. She said she had to run some errands and would be back in an hour. That was 20 years ago.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 31. december 2015
I used the Force to call out to Leia. It went straight to voicemail.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 26. december 2015
What’s my social life like? The last time I went to a party, there were ewoks drumming on stormtrooper helmets.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 4. januar 2016
I came here to solve the mystery of the Force. I solved it. The answer is midichlorians. The answer is stupid. I want to unsolve it.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 31. december 2015
Andre handler om hvilke tanker og sysler han får tid til at gå med helt alene på en øde ø på en ubeboet planet.
I’m going to stand in this spot and stare at the ocean for 20 years so I can turn around dramatically if someone ever shows up.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 30. december 2015
I look up at the moon. “That’s no moon,” I say out loud. No one laughs. No one is here. Maybe if I was funnier, I wouldn’t be alone.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 31. december 2015
I haven’t seen Kylo Ren in years. I wonder if he’s outgrown his Dark Side phase yet. I bet he and Han worked things out. Good for them.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
Endnu andre af Lonely Lukes tweets drejer sig om det noget anstrengte forhold, som han havde til sin far.
When I face a tough choice, I ask myself, “What would my dad do?” Probably kill a bunch of Padawans. I should find a new role model.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
My dad used to brag about how he built C-3PO. Whatever. He looks exactly like every other protocol droid I think Dad built him from a kit
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
My dad was the chosen one. How am I supposed to live up to that? Running away to be a hermit seems like a good start.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
Everyone in my family gets murdered: Grandma – sand people Aunt & uncle – stormtroopers Dad – emperor Mom – Dad At least Han & Leia are OK
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 4. januar 2016
I’m not sure why Kylo Ren hates his dad. My dad was gone for my entire childhood. Then he cut off my hand. In the end, we hugged it out.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
Sometimes my dad appears to me as a Force ghost. All he wants to talk about is pod racing. I hate that guy.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 31. december 2015
Very Lonely Luke smider også nogle svidende truth bombs om sine venner. Av.
To be honest, none of us ever understood what Chewbacca said. Half the time, he was just yawning.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 1. januar 2016
I taught Kylo Ren just like Yoda taught me: By making him give me piggyback rides everywhere. And that’s why he turned to the Dark Side.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 31. december 2015
Yoda told me my future was clouded. In his hut, everything was clouded. He was always smoking pot.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 1. januar 2016
Vader wore a mask because his face was disfigured by lava. Kylo Ren wears a mask because his face was disfigured by Han’s DNA.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 1. januar 2016
En del af det er også rimelig meta.
They should make a movie about these wars in the stars It just needs a title How about “Luke Has Lots of Friends and Isn’t Lonely at All?”
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
I wish I had a volleyball to talk to.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 25. december 2015
Next time I run away and become a hermit, I’m picking a planet with Wi-Fi.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 25. december 2015
The Force fills me with inner peace. I don’t want inner peace. I want chicken nuggets. The Force does not fill me with chicken nuggets.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 26. december 2015
A spaceship stopped by today. It was called the USS Enterprise. I told those guys to beat it. Even I’m not THAT lonely.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 2. januar 2016
Men mest af alt handler det bare om ensomhed og selvhad. Dybt, dybt, underholdende ensomhed og selvhad.
I sent R2-D2 back to tell all my friends exactly where I am. I sure hope he doesn’t randomly go into low-power mode for 20 years.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 27. december 2015
Obi-wan Kenobi was my greatest friend. He is a ghost and can appear anywhere he wants. He does not appear here. Ghost Obi-wan is a dick.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 26. december 2015
Before I left I called Kylo Ren a Sith And he goes “I’m a Knight of Ren” So I said “Same Sith different day” I planned it. It was awesome
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 3. januar 2016
I saw a person for the first time in years. She held out a lightsaber. I just stared at her awkwardly What the hell is wrong with me?
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 25. december 2015
That girl is staring at me I’m still silent I can’t start talking now without it being awkward I have to pretend I don’t see her forever
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) 25. december 2015
Læs også: Internet-guld: Kylo Ren som bitter emo er mærkværdigt realistisk